"I met Santa once. But boy, let me tell you, the media's portrayal of him sure is different from how he really is...
For one, he isn't fat. He's actually all muscular and buff. He also has a candy-cane sword, capable of dealing mass amounts of damage... whenever he holds the sword, he transforms into "Super Santa", capable of battling evil alien overlords and saving Earth from complete and total destruction. He can also manipulate time and space, traveling to different periods in Earth's history.
His trusty steed, Rudolph, can fly, and shoot energy beams out of his nose...
Well, anyway, I can only say one more thing- I believe. Santa Claus is mankind's hero; one can only imagine how many supervillains he has toppled..." -Lord Crump
