"Opening quote"


(Number and name)

(Tippi comment)

"Quote when killed"

"Post-fight quote"


"Next Sammer Guy's opening quote"


You get it.


"You stand before Jade Blooper, the lurking threat that guards the 1st gate."


0001: Jade Blooper

Tippi: That is a Sammer Guy. This martial artist serves King Sammer... Max HP is 1-99. Attack is 1-10. Defense is 0-4. Basic attack patterns are similar, but every Sammer Guy is different... There are 100 of them in all. You will have to adapt to fighting each one... They always fight with great honor...

"I am sunk..." (it sank)

"Your skill is strong. Your master has taught you many ancient techniques... May we cross tentacles again, challenger!"


"I SEE YOU! Look upon Hill with Eyes, keeper of the 2nd gate! You run along the earth, attacking immobile blocks... AND I SEE YOU! You leap above deep pits, Dodging wandering beases... AND I WATCH YOU! Soon you will fall in battle by my merciless hand... AND I WILL LAUGH AT YOU!"


0002: Hill with Eyes

Tippi: That's Hill with Eyes, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He once lost a staring contest to King Sammer and hasn't recovered...

"Ow... Right in the eye..."

"You did not wither beneath my cold, unflinching stare... And so I am defeated... But defeat and victory are equally meaningless to one such as I. I will remain in the distance, waiting without remorse and... ALWAYS WATCHING!"


"An opponent blows in... My name floats like an ill wind, for I am Puffing Fist, Guardian of the 3rd gate! I can send the mightiest opponent to his doom with a single strike! Pwaaaaaaang!"


0003: Puffing Fist

Tippi:That's Puffing Fist, one of King Sammer's Legendary Sammer Guys... He claims to have studied ancient Pwaaaang traditions. Whatever that means...

"Noo... It is you who has death the pwaaaanging..." (WTF?!?!)

"I have failed the ancient Pwaaaaaaaaang traditions! My strikes lack puff. I must go and train at the cloud temple. I will use my remaining vacation days.


"Soon, challenger, you will scream in terror at the name of the Flightless Bird! For I am Squatting Birdo, ever-hunkering guardian of the 4th gate! Now you will now the fury of the most deadly fighting style. Birdo...SQUAT!" _________________

0004: Squatting Birdo

Tippi: That's Squatting Birdo, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He's a true master of the Squatting Birdo stance...


"The egg of my defeat burns hot on my face... I bow to your skill. Birdo be with you, challenger!"


"Tell me, challenger, have you ever tried to catch a jumping fish with your bare hands? You will know the frustration soon, for I am Leaping Cheep, keeper of the 5th gate! The Cheep Cheep soars in the air and strikes its prey like a fishy tsunami!" _________________

0005: Leaping Cheep

Tippi: That's Leaping Cheep, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He spends days at a time awkwardly attempting to leap out of the water...

"But...That's so cheeeeeep!"

"Your skill is strong. If only my flying, fishy friends had lept to my aid when I had called out for them..."


"Before we must fight, consider this haiku... "A challenger comes... "Under the darkening sky... Wiggity Wiggle." Master Wiggler wiggles in defense of the 6th gate... WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!" _________________

0006: Master Wiggle

Tippi: That's Master Wiggler, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... His abstract haiku poetry has quite a following in literary circles...


"Before you leave, contemplate this haiku... "The challenger came.. Now my face wiggles in pain... Wiggle wiggle wig..." Wiggle on, warrior. Wiggle on..."


"STOMPOW! I am Shoe of Kuribo! I protect the 7th gate! STOMPOW! Some try to tiptoe past me like little fancy slippers! I stomp them! STOMPOW! Shoe, stomps all! STOMPOW! Shoe of Kuribo will tread on you! STOMPOW!"


0007: Shoe of Kuribo

Tippi: That's Shoe of Kuribo, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He goes through several pairs of shoes a month...


"Stompow... I am stomped... You crushow my stompow... You boot shoe! STOMPOW!"


"YOU FRY NOW! I am Guy who Fry, master of the Dripping Magma Punch, guard of the 8th gate. I see your eyes burn with purpose. Will I torch you today? Or will your burning desire to win extinguish me? I say... YOU FRY NOW!"


0008: Guy who Fry

Tippi: That's Guy who Fry, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... Guy who Fry's special Sammer Guy diet consists entirely of deep-fried foods...

"It is I who fry today..."

"I am like a sad pail of discarded grease... Go now and fry Sammer Guys in memory of Guy who Fry!"


"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZK! The shrill shriek of the SCREEEAAAAMING MANTISSSSS paralyzes you at gate 9! You are now motionless with fear! Now I prey on your face! YEZZZZZZZK!"


0009: Screaming Mantis

Tippi: That's Screaming Mantis, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... Screaming Mantis is often on the injured reserve, due to hoarseness of the throat...


"Screaming Mantis's throat grows hoarse... Screaming Mantis requires a lozenge..."


"And so you come at last... Like a young bloom poking through an early spring snow. I am called Koopa in Winter. I wait, immobile, by the 10th gate. The plant that blooms early freezes and perishes, and so, too, shall you!"


0010: Koopa in Winter

Tippi: That's Koopa in Winter, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He's not sure why, but he cries every time he looks at a sunset...


"The cold sun of winter has set upon my soul... It made you bloom this day, but beware... The ice and snow know no allegiance. They will consume you, too!"


"The 11th gate... A place of power. And here you will find Footsteps of Coins! Tell me, warrior, do you walk with your eyes open? Do you see many coins? Coins in blocks, coins on clouds... Everywhere there are coins glittering. It is I who leave them It is I who wander the wide world, coins falling from my heels. Does this mean others should pick up my coins? OF COURSE NOT! The coins are mine alone! And now, I will make change out of YOU! CHA-CHING!"


0011: Footsteps of Coins

Tippi: That's Footsteps of Coins, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... His lesser know brother is called Footsteps of Meat...

"I'm broke!"

"My wealth was in my battle skills, and you have robbed me of them. My poverty of spirit is now matched by my empty pockets. And now I am faced with... NO! A loan from Mother! She will frown upon me! I would rather sell my weapons!"


"So, you challenge your skill in the Duel of 100? I am the guardian of the 12th gate... Urchin Lung. Hah hah. So... you must be wondering "How many more of these guys must I fight?" FOOL! There are 88 more of us! Does your resolve falter? Do you have what it takes? It is a relentless marathon on martial artistry! Now, come at me!"


0012: Urchin Lung

Tippi:That's Urchin Lung, one of King Sammer's more infamous Sammer Guys... He was once King Sammer's personal Trainer, until an unfortunate sit-up incident...

"A cramp! I yield..."

"Hah hah. So you are not a slacker after all, fresh challenger... You may have the stamina to defeat us all. Or, perhaps you will get a side ache!"


"KAKAAAAAWWWW! KAKAAWWW! I will feast on the delicious flavor of your defeat! I am Crow who Eats, guardian of the 13th gate! I will make many meals from your shame! KAAAAAKAAAAWW!"


0013: Crow who Eats

Tippi: That's Crow who Eats, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He likes to taunt his foes, which makes it a little more awkward when he loses...


"Cruel Irony, now it is I who must eat crow..."


"Hewwo, pwaything! I am Swollen Tongue, master of the 14th gate. Flear me! You shall not gas! Wait, I mean gwass! I mean... PASS! Oh, who cares! Lettuce fight! Gahh!"


0014: Swollen Tongue

Tippi:That's Swollen Tongue, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... His affliction makes the customary prebattle taunt a little difficult...

"Glaagb... I have been fit! I mean... HIT! I wish I was more fit.."

"So... Had enough, have you? Buy now! I mean BYE!"


"The foe you face next is Slipping Grip, fearless guardian of the 15th gate. I am a new student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... But I recently passed my Slapatology exam with the highest marks! Now it is you who reap the benefits of my industrious note taking!"


0015: Slipping Grip

Tippi: That's Slipping Grip, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He's a young student at the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy...


"I bring shame upon the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy! But you will be no match for my brothers! Their palms wield the fury of the winds!"


"So you have defeated my brother... I am the second most famous student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... You have no doubt seen me in the academy newsletter. I am Clammy Hand. Guarding the 16th gate is my senior project. I WILL NOT FAIL!"


0016: Clammy Hand

Tippi: That's Clammy Hand, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... His notouriously clammy grip must make first introductions a little awkward...

"The world grows clammy... So...clammy..."

"Do not think this is done. You must face my other brother next! He got detention for studying the forbidden Wicked Palm of a Thousand Sweats!"


"I am Forbidden Slap, former top student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... But I was expelled for learning forbidden slapping techniques from dark tomes. Now, I wield history's most feared and reviled sword slaps!


0017: Forbidden Slap

Tippi: That's Forbidden Slap, one of King Sammer's more infamous Sammer Guys... He was expelled from school for learning the Wicked Palm of a Thousand Sweats...

"The Forbidden Slap yields..."

"You have defeated the three star pupils of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy..."


"Come closer! I am just a harmless leaf on the trimmed lawn of the 18th gate... HAAACHHH! NO! I am Hairy Arantula in the Grass! I leap onto your head and bite your earlobe! HAAACHHH!"


0018: Hairy Arantula in the Grass

Tippi:That's Hairy Arantula in the Grass, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He loves to hide in the grass in the park and leap out and startle people...


"Your earlobe, it is like IRON! I skitter away..."


"Stoic and impeneterable, Another Castle stands vigil over the 19th gate... Many challengers attempt to lay siege to me. All leave in tears. Tire yourself all you like pummeling my stony abdomen... I WILL NOT FAIL!"


0019: Another Castle

Tippi:That's Another Castle, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He takes himself so seriously that he once dug a moat around himself...


"Well done... but your prize is in another castle...Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."




0020: Rolling Thwomp

Tippi: (Didn't get)




"The guardian of the 21st gate simmers in hot, savory fury! I am THRASHING PRAWN! You will never pierce my briny husk! I will flail mercilessly at your face with my tiny arms!"


0021: Thrashing Prawn

Tippi: He loves butter... For some reason he slathers it on everything...


"So you have defeated the briny terror of the Sammer Kingdom... But there are crabbier challengers ahead..."


"GRAARRRR! It is I, Thousand-Year Roar! I will make your ears explode with a guttural, manly shout!"


0022: Thousand-Year Roar

Tippi: He spends weekend mornings sipping coffee and quietly reading the paper...


"Grarrr...? The Thousand-Year Roar is reduced to a pitiful whimper..."


"I am Unshy Guy. Public speaking holds no challenge for me! I will bludgeon you with my confidence and charm!"


0023: Unshy Guy

Tippi: He makes piles of coins making appearances on the Sammer lecture circuit...

"My confidence is shattered..."

"The balloon of my self esteem has been savagely punctured. I feel so...deflated..."


"I am...Useless Badge. Living a life without utility enrages me! I may only exist for novelty. but that won't stop me from attacking you with futility!"


0024: Useless Badge

Tippi: He doesn't seem to think much of his own abilities...

"It is... useless..."

"Bleh! You reek of shrooms... It is a most disgusting odor! Is that the secret to being less useless? Do you eat them and be useful? I hate shrooms, but I will eat them by the handful id they make me less ineffective..."


"FOULNESS! I am Sunshine Flood, the shining beacon that exposes your filthy filth! I will mop the stage with your filthy clothes! FILTHY FILTH FILTH!


0025: Sunshine Flood.

Tippi: He's obsessed with cleaning. You should see his kitchen...

"I have been filthed..."

"You have shamed me. You are truly a champion... A filthy champion, but a champion nonetheless... Now you may go and prove your filth to even stronger sammer guys...."


"Tell me. challenger, do you come to the 26th gate seeking a kick in the face? I am Grand Master Kickface, foremost dispenser of swift kicks in face. You seek face kick... AND FACE KICK YOU RECEIVE!


0026: Grand Master Kickface

Tippi: He often teaches clinics on proper and effective foot-to-face contact...

" face..."

"Many faces I have kicked... But this day, it is my face that has felt foor... I must climb the highest peak and meditate on my failure to kick face... You may pass. May your feet swiftly impact the faces of a dozen warriors..."


"You arrive at the 27th gate, but you foolishly do not look to the skies. I do not wear it now, but I am Soaring Cape! I would have swooped down on you. But my cape has shrunk, and now I must defeat you tethered to the earth. I am at a great disadvantage. If you have honor, you will not use your best ability! I will fight you, but know you do not face my full soaring wrath!


0027: Soaring Cape

Tippi: He doesn't wear it now, but sadly, he often wears his cape in public...

"I am...grounded..."

"If only I had my cape! They will pay dearly for shrinking my cape of soaring. Take your victory and run, but always turn and look to the skies behind you!"




0028: Yowling Yux

Tippi: He's the lead singer for a popular heavy Sammer band...


"My battle screams had no effect on you... That was the first time I had to fight... Everyone else ran away when I started shouting long, crazed strings on nonsense... You may pass, but do not tell the others! They think I am an insane grand master..."


"The 29th gate. A place of gossip and legend. Here you find Mystical Whistle. I am hidden here, deep in the Duel of 100, to keep my intoxicating power safe. Many have sought to harness my power to ride the wind past the obstacles of life. Some succeed. There is a name for them. That name is CHEATER. Now, I will CHEAT you out of your life!"


0029: Mystical Whistle

Tippi: Curiously, dogs run away whenever he approaches...

"You must have...used...a...code..."

"You have defeated Mystical Whistle, but I will not whisk you to a faraway land... Cheaters are only cheating themselves out of a great journey... You have honor, and so I know you would not wish to dishonor yourself. You may pass. But know that Mystical Whistle always waits, ever tempting..."


HAH HAH HAH. You are that famous hero from a faraway world! HAH HAH. Long have I heard of your brave deeds and comical hijinks! HAH. Never did I, Laughing X-Naut, expect to meet you here at the 30th gate! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. (I hate you.)"


0030: Laughing X-Naut

---That reminds me, I have to tape The Grodus Chronicles with my recordomeow.

Tippi: He really likes watching comedies...


"Hah. Hah. Hah. X-naut. I laugh on the outside, but I cry on the inside... Always crying..."


"Some men dance on dance floors... Some men dance in jubliant celebration... And some men dance on the heads of turtles... I AM THAT MAN. I am... Dances on Turtles. Today, it is you who are the turtle!"


0031: Dances on Turtles

Tippi: He's not very tech savvy. Any machine with buttons sends him into a panic...

"You have danced a lively jig upon my honor..."

"I gained so much joy from dancing upon turtles and kicking their shells... I must find a new hobby, like sliding down hills INTO turtles. I will change my name!"


"Gingerly you step towards the 32nd gate, and for good reason... For Fathomless Chasm of Falling stands between you and the gate. Many have attempted to leap beyond me, only to plummet to their game over... You cannot leap what is unleapable... NOW YOU MUST PLUNGE TO YOUR DOOM!"


0032: Fathomless Chasm of Falling

Tippi: His hobbies include knitting and scrapbooking...

"I have been...vaulted..."

"You leap into Fathomless Chasm of Falling, and yet you are unscathed! Go now! Leave me to ensnare less fleet-footed interlopers..."


"Creeeeeeaaaaaaaaaak! Thirsting Bones guards this 33rd of gates... My dry,dry bones grow parched and juiceless. They yearn for dampness... I WILL MOISTEN THEM WITH YOUR TEARS!


0033: Thirsting Bones

Tippi: On weekends, he knocks balls out of the park for his softball team...


"Your drenched bones are an embarrassment of juicy riches! Why do you not share your watery abundance? Thirsting Bones is so dry... So dry...


"Rweeowr! You stop now, at the 34th gate. Half cat, Half geological event, Molten Panther erupts into a flaming sludge of RAGE! Like a searing, smoking river of magma running down a volcano, you cannot flee me! PUURRRRRR!"


0034: Molten Panther

Tippi: His "Magma Wings" are a huge hit at the annual Sammer Guy BBQ... (LOLWTFBBQ)


"You did not combust in a firey display... and so I am defeated. I will smolder, ready to burst again from the ground in a flaming spurt..."


"A sniker in the darkness... A blurry glow... The prickle of a neck hair... It is I, Peeking Boo, who watches from the shadows and haunts the 35th gate... Whatever you do, interloper, DO NOT LOOK AWAY!" _________________

0035: Peeking Boo

Tippi: He reads the dictionary every day. His favorite word is "Revenge"...


"You have won this day, but you will never be rid of me. You will never have a moment that escapes my peeking gaze..."


"You are late. You have much to learn about timing from Action Commander! No audience can contain its applause when I excecute moves of great style. Here at the 36th gate, you meet timing perfection. NOW IS ACTION TIME!"


0036: Action Commander

Tippi: Action Commander likes to relax on the weekends and not leave his couch...

"It time..."

"My actions were commanded with perfection, yet you still shamed me. I am humbled. Never again will I let cheers of "Stylish" cloud my head..."


"Bleeechhh... I am Bullet Ill, guardian... ughh...of the 37th gate... I will blast into you with the raw power of a violent stomach cramp..."


0037: Bullet Ill

Tippi:Believe it or not, Bullet Ill loves to ride roller coasters..


"The bitter taste of defeat makes me queasy... I never should have used my last sick days on that week at the beach... Go! Go quickly before I fire another round of projectiles..."


"You arrive at the 38th gate, treacherous grounds of Sliding Shell. Always do I glide upon the ground, undercutting the legs of my opponents. No line of warriors is left standing after I ravage the landscape. You stand upon dangerous ground. Now you must... LEAP FOR YOUR LIFE!"


0038: Sliding Shell

Tippi:On weekends, he volunteers his time teaching children how to slide safely...

"Clink... Clank..."

"This shame will bounce in my head for eternity like a shell between two pipes... Glide on, challenger, and cut down all those that stand before you!"


"YARRRRRRRRR! Me name be Software Pirate, barnacle-booty'd scourge of the 39th gate! I be plunderin' yer bits an' yer bites and downloadin' 'em into me britches! Me treasure disks'll be full of cyber-riches after I swipe yer treasure bump mapping! DIGIBOOTY AHOY!"


0039: Software Pirate

Tippi:Don't be alarmed if you don't understand him... Most people can't...


"Yarr, I be washed up... Sunk by me unquenchable lust for digibooty..."


"BOOOOOOOM! Flailing Boom Boom is master of this place, the 40th of gates!" (I accidentally skipped the second part of this. =/) _________________

0040: Flailing Boom Boom

Tippi:He's a master finger painter. His abstract, frenzied works sell for thousands of coins...

"I fizzle..."

"But I flailed! Then I went BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! But I lose... Next time, I go BOOOOOOM! Then I FLAAAAAAAAAAIL!...AND I WIN!"


"Beating relentlessly upon your sweaty brow. It is I, Sun of Displeasure! My burning disapproval burns like a furnace in the sky! No oil or lotion can spare you from my white-hot wrath! SIZZZZZZZLE!


0041: Sun of Displeasure

Tippi:Making friends is difficult for him, due in part to the burning..."

"I hang low... in the sky..."

"You fight with honor and skill, even in the angry face of a force of nature! Sun of Displeasure looks upon you with disapproval!"


"In you sneak to gate 42, only to be confronted by The Furious Fang of Goomb! My fangs are small and have never pierced the hides of any creature... But today, you will carry the shame of being the first to fall to them!"


0042: Furious Fang of Goomb

Tippi: He is a big believer in aromatherapy. His favorite scent is lavender.

"I think I lost a fang..."

"My life is a lie! My fangs, they are not so furious... What is a fang if it is only to be ridiculed?!"


"Challenger! You approach the 43rd gate, and yet you bring no vittles? I am Zesty Recipe, and you dishonor yourself by not bringing a savoury snack. No matter. I am cooking my own special recipie for you... The soup of your DEATH!"


0043: Zesty Recipe

Tippi:He bakes warm, gooey brownies for the Sammer Guy break room every day...

"Hoisted by my own...spatula..."

"You held the ingredients to my downfall... You may pass, but take that secret recipe to your grave!"


"And so you appear, as if through some hidden byway. I am Warping Pipe. I am the guard of the 44th gate, true, but that is not all... I hold hidden knowledge... Yes! All worlds are linked, and I travel among them! No, I will not show you how. Such power is not for you, who would cheat though life. True warriors must see all the worlds before skipping among them! NOW. TO BATTLE!"


0044: Warping Pipe

Tippi: He doesn't like it when people jump on him and try to warp to other worlds...

"Reality has warped!"

"You command the power of time and space, I see... I underestimated you... You fight in the fabled Warp Zone, where the mighty warriors tread. I concede."


"Fruit in Belly welcomes you to the 45th gate! As you see, no plump fruits hang from lush trees and bushes... I have picked them all clean. The only colorful fruit left ungulped... IS YOU!"


0045: Fruit in Belly

Tippi:He was banned from several local supermarkets for gulping produce...


"Fortune smiles on you. The seeds of ten thousand fruits weighed me down... Hyaawnn... So sleepy... Now I will nap, dreaming fresh, dewy melon dreams..."


"Reaching the 46th gate is not easy. I, the Last Sheep, applaud you. Surely you are exhausted, challenger. You are in need of blissful rest. I linger at the hind end of the herd, but it is I who finally brings sleep. Snuggle close to a soft and wooly blanket... Make your defeat a groggy one..."


0046: The Last Sheep

Tippi: His hobbies include air guitar and singing in front of the mirror...


"Many have dozed off to the rhythmic sound of my prancing hoofs... But how do you resist the bewitching charm of the pillow? You have an iron will..." _________________


0047: Infinity Shlurp

Tippi:He really doesn't have the strongest vocabulary...

"No shlurpy shlurpy..."

Not even gonna type down the last one. _________________

"Up I pop from the bowels of the city, my wrenches wheeling through the sky! It is I, Spanner of Rock, who pelts you in defense of the 48th gate! I fling a whirling wrench into your plans!"


0048: Spanner of Rock

Tippi: He is unstoppable at the wrench-throwing game when the carnival is in town...

"To the...manhole..."

"The bitter,rusty taste of defeat fills my mouth... I must return under the manhole to train with Grand Master Rocky..."


"Twinkle and glitter I do, for I am Star of Seven Shards! You are drawn to my shimmer at the 49th gate like a moth to a flame! I catch your eye, like a fleck of gold in a pan! You will try to take me... but it is you who will be shattered!"


0049: Star of Seven Shards

Tippi:He spends most of his day polishing his armor to a shiny glitter...

"I am...Broken..."

"Your victory has shattered my delicate facets, but it is you who loses most... For one day, you must travel every land in an epic search for my many shards..."


"A frigid wind ripples up the small of your back... It is the hoary breath of Ice World. Every traveler must come upon me eventually... And you find me at the 50th gate. You try to tiptoe past my stormy wrath, but you bring down... THE AVALANCHE!" _________________

0050: Ice World

Tippi: He has a milkshake dispenser in his armor...

"And so I melt..."

"You have beated Ice World, which means you can fight Bonus World! Just kidding."


"WAAAAAAAH! I, Weeping Pokey, guard this 51st gate! Soon you will know the sadness of defeat! And I, Weeping Pokey, will know the empty sadness of victory! I will cry vigorously! And you will see me cry and laugh at me... And your laugh enrages me! Now we fight!"


0051: Weeping Pokey

Tippi: He enjoys power walking through the park early every morning....


"Wrathful tears blinded me... My weeping hands lost my sword... Such is my defeat... The righteous tears of the victor fly from your eyes, but I laugh at your sad joy! ...Sob..."


"Interloper, you have come to the 52nd gate! And I, Hammer Uncle, guard it! When you are below, I lurk above! Leap above, and I plunge below! Like hammers from the sky, my blows will rain upon you! I am the hammer of justice! SMASH!"


0052: Hammer Uncle

Tippi: After work, he enjoys a long, relaxing soak in a hot bath...


"You have reminded me of myself in my younger days, when I traveled with my brothers. Yes, we were brothers of the hammer, but long years have intervened. Yes, many hammer nephews and hammer nieces now... They are the hammer future. They must hammer on..."


"Look upon Squatting Toad! The 53rd gate is my ward! My strength has no rival! I lift with my legs, and never lower my back! Never! Prepare for squatting!"


0053: Squatting Toad

Tippi: He threw his back out several years ago and was out for the season...


"Your skills amaze me! Today, it is you who has squatted best! My joints have grown stiff with idleness! I am shamed! Soon I must limber up! Begone from me!"


"Welcome to you... You have come upon Ageless Goomba... Guardian of the 54th gate. Time casts no shadow on me. Stomping boot and flaming flower hold no fear, either! You will learn to fear my relentless perambulation! GOOMBAAA!"


0054: Ageless Goomba

Tippi: Sometimes, he drifts off into deep contemplation mid-conversation...


"I have not been flattened. Always will I lurk, creeping slowly forward like time itself. One day, when your will falters, I will be upon you! But now, go from here!"


"It is about time you arrive! As usual, I am forced to wait! Such is my life! I am The Negative One, guard of the 55th gate! And warrior who fate laughs at! My life is misfortune! My wishes always perish! And so someone must pay! IT IS YOU!


0055: The Negative One


"Defeat. Why does this not surprise me..."

"Being crushed at your hands is but one more affirmation that fate loathes me. Why must I always suffer so? Do I not deserve better? Will I never find solace?"


"I am Bob the Silent Blade, guardian of the 56th gate, gentle assassin... Blades are usually loud, noisy instruments. But I wield them quietly and discreetly. Now you go silently... I SAID SILENCE!"


0056: Bob the Silent Blade

Tippi: As silent as he is on the job, he moonlights as an opera tenor...

"My so loud..."

"My defeat...was neither silent nor gentle... If you were truly skilled, you would have dispatched me with but a whisper..."


"From below, from above, from the innocent pipe... I strike! I am the guard of the 57th gate, Piranha Root! I grow in power beneath your feet! My mighty foot chomping shall utterly unnerve you! Victory will be mine! And now I bite!"


0057: Piranha Root

Tippi: He has an enormous garden at home, but it's completely overrun with weeds...

"Slowly I wilt..."

"You fight as though your hands were made of flame! You plucked me as a weed! My skills cannot flower in the shadow of one so great as you! Please, pass!"


"Doodle-ee-doodle-ee do do! Doodle-ee-oo! Before the 58th gate lies me! I am known far and wide as Over the Flagpole! Many have tried, but none can claim to have leapt me! And so, another comes... Now... LEAP TO BATTLE!"


0058: Over the Flagpole

Tippi: At the beginning of each day, all the Sammer Guys turn and salute him...

"You...have cleared me!"

"Surely you are cheating! You are exploiting a glitch! You are a sequence breaker!"


"Kee-yow! I am Cheep Chop! My horn gleams in defense of this, the 59th gate!...Say, look over there. I will not chop you in the back. Really I won't. You... You are not looking. You think I will chop you in the back. Or the neck. How dare you suggest a thing? You dishonor me! I chop you now!"


0059: Cheep Chop

Tippi: He learned all his best moves from comic books...


"Why did you not turn? My chopping is less effective when my prey looks at me! How dare you... Next time, I will give your back a chopping for the ages!"


"You arrive at the 60th gate... only to find it guarded by ME, Raging Blargg! ...My name amuses you?! That enrages me! BLARGG!"


0060: Raging Blargg

Tippi: He loves souvenirs, and buys them every time he goes on a trip...

"Blargg... I am sunk!"

"This defeat sends me into a powerful rage! But next time, you will sink into the lava of my anger!"


"Hm. You disturb my rest. You have awakened the guard of the 61st gate. I am known as Sleeping Turnip. Soon you will sleep. And in that sleep, you will dream of defeat at my hands. And you will wake from that dream to find it was real. SLEEEEEEEEEP!"


0061: Sleeping Turnip

Tippi: Sleeping Turnip needs to buy an alarm clock and not be late to work...

"I...must be dreaming..."

"This dream world feels real, but I know it cannot be... For I have tasted defeat... Soon I will wake, and be the victor once more...".


"Bloop... The guard of the 62nd gate will soon sink you! I am Way of the Blooper! I lurch up! I swoop down! And then I lunge forth! Your screams are but bubbles! You drown beneath my fists! BLOOOOOOP!"


0062: Way of the Blooper

Type: Wave Sammer Guy. No specials. Attacks are Wave Slash. Between 18 and 36 hp.

Tippi:He was a stand up comedian, but his act was too surreal and he scared audiences...


"You have brought an end to the warrior known as Way of the Blooper... Now and forever, I will be known as Way of the Loser!"


"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I am Phanto Grin! I guard the 63rd gate! My face is stoic, but my weapons find you amusing! They laugh at your insolence! But I do not! Awaken my wrath, impudent warrior, and I will soon be upon you! My anger awakes... and it, too, is grinning!


0063: Phanto Grin

Tippi: He loves to play as himself in The Duel of 100: The Home Edition...

"Ow... That is not amusing..."

"My face does not betray my emotion, but my body has lost its inner grin. You have found the key to beating me, it would seem. Yes, you have stolen it! Hear this! Someday you will turn and find that Phanto Grin is upon you!"


"Oh! You have found me! I am known as Invisible Brock! The guard of the 64th gate! You leap, but above you, where nothing appears, something springs to life! So does the confounding style of Invisible Brock cloud the senses! Now that you are aware of me, however, we must fight... AND FIGHT WE WILL!"


0064: Invisible Brock

Tippi:He enjoys collecting rare shells and arranging them on his bookshelf...

"No...Such a visible defeat!"

"If I could truly disappear... I would hide this shame... I would hide far and wide! Invisible Brock would pass into legend! None would find me...without a guide."


"Here, at the 65th gate, your path ends... for it is guarded by me, Chomp of Eternity! I cast aside my iron chain! It restrains me no longer! I will nibble on you forever! My head is hard as bedrock! My teeth, sharp as winter's dying breath! Are you ready for me? CHOMP!" _________________

0065:Chomp of Eternity

Tippi: He insists on making loud chomping noises when he eats around other people...


"This chomping is but a passing thing... In the eyes of eternity, it is but a tender nibble on the drumstick on infinity!"


"I leap at you from nowhere! So my attacks shall come! You heedlessly run ahead, unaware of the dangers that crouch beneath your feet! But I, Monty who Waits, protector of the 66th gate, shall slow you down!"


0066: Monty who Waits

Tippi:He's a real hypocrite. He gets furious when he has to wait around for people...


"I...I will wait for the next warrior. Perhaps I will not leap upon him so quickly..."


"I am Mustard of Doom! Soon you will know I have the guarding of the 67th gate! Your face is nonsense! It is like a sad doodle drawn by a person who is ugly! And now it will have the punishment doled upon it! MY SWORD HAS FURY!" _________________

0067: Mustard of Doom

Tippi:He likes his food unbearably spicy...

"I...had fury..."

"Now I have failed to slather you in justice... but one day, the slathering will be mine! Be off, awful person..."


"You arrive at the 68th gate, stuck in the web of Peanut-Butter Pider... My hands are a creamy flurry. My kicks pack explosive chunk. This stage is my cracker... NOW I SPREAD YOU THIN!"


0068: Peanut-Butter Pider

Tippi: He insists on using his sword to spread all his condiments..

"You have smeared my honor upon the ground..."

"You...You are the ants on the log of my existence!"

Get off his log.


"You would prey on the weak... You would whack innocents... You would harvest their pain... You know of what I speak. WHACKAAAAAAA! Oh, you claim no knowledge? WHACKAAAAAAAA! I am the Wrath of Whacka, guard of the 69th gate! And I avenge WHACKAAAAA!"


0069: Wrath of Whacka

Tippi: He enters the Sammer Quiz every year, but always presses the button early...


"You whacked me! The... great injustice! You will get no bump from me, fiend!"


"I demand your I am the warrior known as Micro Boomba, guard of the 70th gate. My speech is small, but my wrath is monstrous. Do not snicker. My sword does not speak so softly. No...It...SCREAMS!!!


0070: Micro Boomba

Tippi:He's a die-hard fan of "Flint Cragley, Cragtrotter"...

"Big pain!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! It is I who beg YOUR pardon!"


"Ugh! It is an interloper! First I will club you, then I will crush you! No matter what weapon I wield. be it bludgeon or blade, I WILL CLUB YOU! I am guard of the 71st gate! I am Steel Clubba! Now, face me!"


0071: Steel Clubba

Tippi: He has a master's degree in philosiphy of blunt objects...

"Ugh... I am clubbed..."

"Hm... My clubbing is a shameful thing. My master weeps from his high mountain seat... My training begins today! I must forget the ways of the Clubba, and learn anew!"


"Who interrupts my peace? You have interfered with Staggering Dizzy Fuzzy. Your goal is the 72nd gate. You will stumble, dazed, and fall. Your stomach will lurch. Your eyes will lose focus. And you will plunge to doom!"


0072: Staggering Dizzy Fuzzy

Tippi:He once walked onto a dance floow and accidentally started a new dance craze...

"Wh-which way is up?"

"What is this wooziness? The world stretches and bends before my eyes! Is this the ancient prophecy? Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy? NOOOOOOOOOO! My training was supposed to make me immune! How has it come to this?"


"You reach the 73rd gate! I am Upward Leaping Ninji! You have met your match! My sword leaps to my hand! The blade craves sustenance! Soon it shall be fed! And then after you have fallen, I shall leap up and down... UPON YOUR SOUL!"


0073: Upward Leaping Ninji

Tippi: The neighbors below his apartment don't appreciate the "Upward Leaping"...

"No...Down I fall..."

"When one leaps high, there is far to fall... So far..." _________________

"The challenger approaches... I am the Bronze Shroom, unstompable guardian of the 74th gate... Your skill is weak. I have trained decades in Iron Goomba style. Let us fight!


0074: Bronze Shroom

Tippi: He heats his food just by breathing on it...

"I am...stomped. If only I had chosen Steel Shroom as my fighting name..."

"My Whirling Fungus Thrust was no match for you..."


"The 75th gate is before you! And so, too, is its guard! I am Lakitu Storm! You have come a long way and fought many battles... For that I commend you! But now, the storm breaks above you, and there is no cover to hide beneath! BOOOOOM!"


0075: Lakitu Storm

Tippi: He loves pineapple, but hates mangos...

"My rain...of terror..."

"You weathered my storm, and for that, I give respect. Proceed under cloudless sky!"


"Slow are my feet, sharp are my spikes... I am the guardian of the 76th gate, the one known as... Wandering Spiny! Born from the clouds, I wander the earth alone! And I punish all things!"


0076: Wandering Spiny

Tippi: He refuses to ask anyone for directions...

"I have wandered into defeat!"

"And now, after falling to you, where does my path lead? Back to the clouds? Once fallen, can one truly... rise again?"

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